Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Day 30: Let Wisdom Guide You

Every time I read Proverbs chapter two I always am amazed by how wisdom forecasts outcomes, particularly as it relates to moral choices. From verse 16 to 22 we learn than adultery, sexual dalliances, affairs, etc. are all quite alluring in the beginning. The end, however, is quite painful and miserable for all parties especially the ones who were emotionally connected with their lover.

Last week in the Midweek at Christ Church service, we featured “A Conversation with Pastor David Ireland”, as the method of teaching for the night. Essentially I was answering questions forwarded to me by email. One of the questions posed was: Is flirting okay? The innocent inquirer wanted to know if as a single person she can flirt with a guy and still be honoring towards the Lord. But, because of time sake, I did not get a chance to answer it publicly. So, I now throw it to all of you bloggers.

In light of the meaning of the word flirt—to play at love; to act amorously without serious intentions—do you think it is okay to flirt? Let’s assume that the flirting is between two single adults.

Can flirting be done innocently? Remember, you are dealing with a single person who wants to get married one day. How would you counsel her or counsel him, if the inquirer was a guy? How can you apply any portion of Proverbs chapter two to this issue?

You may post an answer that addresses any one of my questions.


  1. I would say flirting is not okay, because if the person's intentions are not serious and the person they're flirting with wants to get married one day, what good can come of it? Also, 'harmless' flirting can lead to sexual immorality. As it says in Poverbs 2:19 "The man who visits her is doomed. He will never reach the paths of life." If you're trying to get someone to notice you, I think there is a better way to do it than flirting. A true man of God probably won't take you seriously. I'm stating my opinion as a woman. A man might have a different viewpoint.

  2. Hello everyone,

    Today’s topic is very sensitive and can also be controversial, the Bible is clear about how we Christians should behave and Philippians 4:8 gives us a clear picture as to what we ought to think and meditate on. Flirting is never innocent, it’s intentional and should not be taken lightly, (One-night stands derive from flirts that started as innocent and fun stuff to do, - just sayin’… :-) and Proverbs 2:11a) says that “Discretion will protect you…” Being discreet in mind and attitude is a shield and I believe that the person’s mind must have been venturing and contemplating the behavior, we need to be mindful of sensual behaviors, it also goes with the environment and what the person is opening him or herself to. I like to use myself as example and I will assume this was a sister that asked the question, I’m a single parent and for the past 10 years I have made the choice of not even look at a man for the simple fact that sometimes you have to see yourself as valuable and if you don’t respect yourself no one will do it for you. There are times, I would want to go on dates, but I also reflect on the outcome, I would ask myself what is it I want from seeing this person, or what do I want to achieve by entertaining this behavior. Fortunately, five years ago, as I was in a time of prayer, I asked God for a promotion at work and I also asked him what He was planning on doing with me. The answer came in the most unusual way because this was not what I was thinking or asking him, but He replied that he’s going to marry me, I questioned him again to make sure I heard right and he replied the same thing that he’s going to marry me. I will say that ever since, I lived like a monk because I felt that it was a precious thing to wait for this special person that God has for me. 1 Corinthians 6: 13b – 20 says, “The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. It goes again to say this “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh. But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.

    If you are one with God in spirit, why would you want to desecrate that by even inviting something that could be detrimental to your relationship with God and a loss of respect for self? We will not use prostitute in this case but for the sake of it, any frivolous relationship has outcomes and it’s never a good one, I would ask this person why would they want to keep on asking God for forgiveness every time they enter his presence on the basis of frivolity, flirt is the act of not wanting any commitment, what makes them think that they can keep a commitment with Jesus if they entertaining the thought of flirts (Sis, please take a cold shower and you should be fine... :-)

    Have a great day, be blessed


  3. The question posed by Pastor David along with his definition of flritation is inappropriate as it relates to honoring God.
    The primary reason is simply because by definition in this case (blog) the intention is contrary to the word of God. In addition, wisdom is the application of thine heart with understanding (Prov 2:2). So intentional flirtation seeks to please the flesh and not the heart (wisdom) mind/knowledge of Christ.
    For as it states in Prov 2:10, When wisdom enters into the heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto the soul vv. 11 Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee. In other words if the intention is self serving it's an unwise choice/path departing from the path of righteosness and yielding to walk in the ways of darkness (Prov. 2:13).

    Can flirting be done innocently? In my personal opinion and personal experience, YES! There are many people (male and female alike) that have a wonderfully warm, inviting and or sweet Spirit (essence). Simply entering a room causes heads to turn...unintentional. For these individuals "intentional flirtation" isn't a plan or motive. It's a humbled and confident attitude (posture) of who they are and whose they are! When a person fully understands as well as accepts their truest self worth, there is no need to "go seeking & flirting" after any one. The bible says the man who finds a wife finds a treasure. And God has a way of unfolding or introducing the two...however, I'm sure the level of communication (flirtation) will be gentle and pleasing (honoring) to God for both parties involved. For wisdom is more precious than rubies!
    Often times, when this level of confidence is present (from within), and you are allowing your light to shine, than God will allow you to discern how to or not to proceed. WE must (esp as single) women must always guard our hearts with all diligence.
    One of my favorite scriptures reminds us to focus on (ponder) on things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely and things that are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Verse 9 goes on to say: Those things, which you have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

    However, I do believe, that flirting is often used or been made to be used as a subtle attack of the enemy to arouse curiosity and to distract people from the straight and narrow path. For wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction and many enter in. Because straight is the gate and narrow is the way, which leads unto life, and few will find it. (Matt. 7:13-14)

    In short, seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. Matt 6:33.

    For the Love of God,
    Ms. Shaun


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