Friday, October 23, 2009

Day 33: Wisdom Warns Us Against Danger

After reading verses 20 through 35 of Proverbs chapter six, I can clearly see how seduction works its magic in the soul of a naïve person and destroys their life. We’re told that the wayward wife has a smooth tongue and if one is not careful her beauty may lure us into a sexual trap. Solomon is not being sexist with his speech but rather personifying beauty in the feminine gender.

The sad realty that you and I have experienced is that adultery comes in all shapes, sizes, color, and age. Adulterous actions are not prejudice; it is an equal opportunity sin.

In growing in wisdom, however, I wonder what you would do if a friend of yours is at the early or middle stages of being seduced. Would you warn him or her, or would you say: That’s none of my business? What would be an act of wisdom: Saying something, minding your own business, or making it exclusively a matter of prayer without warning the friend?

In light of verse 32, which reads: “But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment; whoever does so destroys himself”, what would be your responsibility toward your friend? Let’s make the assumption that this is a relatively new friend who’s married. And, you find this friend talking closely to an attractive co-worker on a regular basis.

What would you do in this situation? And, why would you consider your action to be an act of wisdom?


  1. Just this week I had the opportunity to share a bit of wisdom with a friend who is married, yet involved with a close friend in what could be called an inappropriate emotional relationship. She very casually began to talk over a cup of coffee about being bored with her marriage and tired of her husband and their lack of intimacy. I took a deep breath after listening to her and told her how precious her family is and how much her husband's presence means to their 7 year old daughter. Although I wanted to quote scripture to her and tell her to run to Christ Church, the Holy Spirit led me to meet her on her terms and speak in love, not judgement. I was very careful to listen and to speak words of concern and love. This is the wisdom that the Holy Spirit has emparted to me. I followed up with my friend a day later telling her how much her family means to me and how important it is for her to hold onto this most precious gift of marriage and family.

    I thank God for the wisdom this week to listen and speak according to His will.

  2. Hello Everyone,

    I like the "equal sin opportunity" statement, it’s a good one. The question posed in today’s post asks what would be an act of wisdom…, and I believe three different responses are presented and I will say that if it’s a friend, each response would be wrong. Friends care for their friend, and adultery fractures a relation that was supposed to be a trusting one. As one watches their friend fall in a ditch, or dig where they’re not supposed to; one has to wonder what has triggered the behavior. Nowadays, we find women making moves on married men who are considered to be preys as I call these women “set-ups” by no other than the devil. As much as I would want to warn that male friend, it’s a two-way street, that friend has a spouse who is also being affected by that behavior or maybe the spouse is not even aware of it (yet), while trying to spare the friend from causing friction and invite distrust, I would also consider the wife’s stance and evaluate the situation. Apparently something is missing at home so that this man feels he needs to look elsewhere for greener pasture. I’ve had to listen to many wives complaining to me about either a cheating husband or an uncaring one, do I listen to their complaints, absolutely, but as I listen – I start to see where the problem lies and I have to say to my lady friends that sex is not the only thing that men are looking for elsewhere, there’s the emotional support that is not at home. Wives that emasculate their husbands can’t expect for them to remain attentive to their need. You want respect, you have to also give it and I think that’s when that husband begins his retaliation process to prove that he’s not a wimp.

    In light of talking to that husband friend, if saved I would refer him to Ephesians 6: 28 “…husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.” – if that husband friend feels that acting out his sexual arousal somewhere else makes him feel important, than he doesn’t think much of himself in the first place. Now, if that husband is an unsaved friend, I would use prayer as a weapon by asking God to give me enough wisdom to help him make sense of that situation. It could be that he’s at a different impasse and needs to see clear and only God knows the condition or climate of his heart if this person were to be approached and I believe that the way you approach someone particularly in this type of situation will either give you an audience or will shut you up. If there is a wife/husband or single w/hope to be married reading the post today, I’d like to refer this book I’m currently reading: “His Need, Her Need by Willard Harley”; it’s a good read and a helpful way to guide prospective husband/wife to please each other. As women, we can be sooooo… demanding, that getting outside help to understand that future mate is a good remedy.

    Everyone, have a great weekend.


  3. Hello Pastor D,

    I know the "His Need, Her need" has already been referred by you & wife on several occasions. But from experience, students would rather go to their classmate and get explanation than refer back to their teacher. Please don't take offense if I post it here, no pun intended - thanks (wh)

  4. What would be your responsibility toward your friend? What would you do in this situation? Why would you consider your action to be an act of wisdom? Friendships are critically important to me (new or old time has no bearing for me). The "TRUTH" for me always wins out regardless of the relationship. As a disciple of Christ, I am responsible for gently speaking (cautioning) my friend as to the harsh realities of his/her selfish actions. I would begin the conversation with my friend with some simple questions; for example: so what do you think about the new employee (be careful not to lead your friends response in any way)? How are things going at home with Jane Doe? Since this is a new friend many of the underlying issues may not have surfaced or been observed (during this new friendship). Then I would lovingly and openly discuss what the manner in which their actions "body language, time spent and outward gestures" seem to indicate an inappropriate attraction.
    I would consistently encourage and communicate with my friend, making myself available to listen.
    Anyone who is my friend (understands) and trusts me to be honest without delay...It is only the truth that will make a person free (John 8:32). That being said, I would tell me friend, he/she needs to pull themselves together and re-commit themselves to their marriage vows and not to engage in other relationships outside of recifying the most important one of all - MARRIAGE!
    Now, this is a touchy topic but I am a firm believer in Proverbs 27:6 which clearly reminds us "Faithful are the wounds of a FRIEND; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful". To be a true friend, requires "faithful commitment" also. So remaining commited to your friend during their time of distress/suffering (of any kind) is the call that is in order. To walk away or try to avoid the issue is like a wicked and there is no truth in the friendship. Love your friend and the friendship and pray without ceasing (that God's Will Be Done). 1 Corin 13:4-8.
    Don't forget to take the beam out of your own eye (don't judge) and be willing to share from your personal lessons/victories with your friend (that is how you apply humility and gentleness)!
    This approach is an act of wisdom because the bible in 27:17 - "Iron sharpens iron; so a man/woman sharpens the countenance of his friend (worthy purpose or expression).

    It's just like Pastor David reminds us to ask What would Jesus do? The story of the adulterous woman, whom the crowd wanted to stone to death...until Jesus asked, if there be anyone hear who is free of sin, let them cast the first stone...and the crowd disbursed quickly.

    This is the manner in which I would choose to love my friend!

    For the Love of God,
    Ms. Shaun

  5. I would remind my friend about the perils of adultery, with love. I would not be a "friend" if I did anything less. Once I've reminded my friend of the consequences of their behavior, I let it go.

    I also expect the same treatment from my friends. If I'm doing something that is out of God's instruction, I expect to be called on it. For me, this type of love and accountability is a big part of the beauty of true friendship. I certainly praise God for the gift of a loving family and wonderful friends.

    Blessings to all!



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